We react in different ways to criticisms. Some of us take constructive criticism rather well and use it for growth. Others, not so much.
It triggers a defensive attitude in many people, who rather than understanding the merit of the critique, start to take things personally. They either try to make excuses to justify their stance, or become rude, blaming the critic themselves.
Other hallmarks of defensiveness include try to shame the critic by dredging up their past, disregarding their opinion by telling them they should not be feeling so. The basic premise of feeling defensive is trying to deflect the hurt and the embarrassment that the critique causes. Some people also then attack back, just to come out at the top.
However, this behavior is not healthy, and it is pertinent that it be understood and fixed. Feeling defensive all the time may stem from different and complicated reasons, including trauma, remedying which may then require the help of a therapist or a psychiatrist.
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Causes of defensiveness
Defensiveness is embedded in certain behaviors. There may be a reason why you are unable to graciously handle critique. Some of the probable causes include:
Deflecting the truth
It may also be the case that the accusation or the critique is very much warranted, and you yourself know that. But you use defensiveness as a smokescreen to try to hide the truth.
Lack of confidence
One of the reasons why you may take criticism personally is because you yourself are not confident of your craft. People who are sure about their aptitude either are not bothered by the critique or they use it as a learning experience.
Those who become defensive may do so because it makes them uncomfortable, as they are also not so confident in themselves. They then deflect the criticism by discrediting the critique.
Learned reaction
You may also go on defense as this is your learned reaction. Perhaps your family or partner use defensiveness as a mechanism, and you have picked it from them.
Mental health issues
Certain mental health problems can also make a person feel defensive. It is especially common when in the case of an eating disorder like bulimia or even multiple personality disorder.
Social Anxiety
Social anxiety can be due to either your dislike and fear of public places, or it may also then stem from your lack of ability to communicate efficiently. It may then put you on defense then.
Shame
We tend to feel shame when we are unable to live up to the expectations we have of ourselves. Shame may also be a form of guilt. You then try to hide it by going on a defense.
Trauma
Abuse and trauma can be extremely hard to deal with. They not only involve physical pain, but they also take extreme toll on the mental health and may even alter behaviors as well. Your defensiveness may then be a remnant of your trauma.
Dealing with defensiveness
Being on the defense all the time is not good for you. It not only jeopardizes your mental health, but it also leads to strained relationships as well. Therefore, it is important that you address your defensive behavior
Admittedly, no one likes to be criticized, especially when you have worked hard at something. Therefore, when you are criticized, rather than going on a defense, acknowledge your feelings, understand the shame, fear, and insecurity. It is perfectly alright to feel so, and when you understand your own emotions, the urge to lash out will also reduce them.
Moreover, make your own self strong so that criticism does not faze you. When it holds merit, use it for growth. Furthermore, since your defensiveness may be rooted in mental health problems and trauma, you then need to seek help from a mental health expert like a therapist or a Psychiatrist in Islamabad.