The Easiest Way to Relax and Succeed In Public Speaking: Insights from Ken Shuler

If you could learn one, easy-to-use tip or idea that will help you become a better public speaker, would you like to know it? To make this even better, it is surprisingly simple and easy to do. Regardless of what kind of speaker you are or endeavor to be, I believe this one idea will be most helpful to you.

I’m Ken Shuler, a seasoned business leader with years of experience in online marketing and fundraising as a visionary leader.  I have spent decades speaking in public to groups large and small. Most of my time has been spent in the nonprofit sector.  I have also made thousands of presentations to groups. Some groups were as small as a handful of people, and others were in the thousands. I have also taught public speaking to sales managers and salespeople to help them perform better.

I have discovered the one central theme that will not only make you a better public speaker but will make it much less stressful the next time you need to speak in front of people.

Do you know what the #1 fear in the world is?

Many studies show that public speaking is the number one fear in the world! Yikes! Think about that and let it sink in. Some people fear public speaking more than they fear death. That never ceases to amaze me.

The simple act of standing up in front of others, and sometimes with bright lights and cameras in your face, seems to paralyze most people. I believe the essence of this fear is self-consciousness. A massive internal focus on yourself.

It’s very typical for people who are new to public speaking to become self-conscious and self-focused. I believe the conversation going on in many new speaker’s heads is something like this.

“How do I look? Is my hair, okay? What about my clothes? I knew I should have bought some better clothes. And what about my shoes? I’ve had these old shoes for far too long. And I didn’t even get them shined. I’m sure people are judging me on these shoes.

Boy, my mouth is getting dry. I could really use some water right now. My tie is so tight, it’s choking me. I can hardly breathe. Wonder if it would be okay for me to loosen it up now? I’m not sure. Are my shirt cuffs out far enough from the arms of my jacket?

Wow, I can’t even remember what I am supposed to say. I tried memorizing my talk and now I am so stressed, I can’t even remember what I was planning to say. I’m going to come off as stupid. Should I pull my notes out of my pocket?  What if I stutter? Then what?

Why did I even agree to this in the first place? How stupid was that? I am so not qualified to do this. Now people will know how little I know about my subject matter. I may never recover from this. This could harm my reputation forever. I can’t wait for this to be over.”

No wonder most people are stressed out about public speaking. Given that conversation going on in their head, how could anyone possibly do a good job delivering the message they set out to deliver? You might say, “Well, that’s easy for you to say, but what if you’re new to all of this? Then what?”

The answer is, it’s about all mindset and focus. I believe the best thing to do is, when you are planning your talk, begin with the end in mind. What do you want the outcome to be? What is the ultimate result you would like to have from your talk? Would you like them to vote for someone, purchase something, learn something, improve their life, become more motivated, or take a certain action?

An easy way to begin is by asking yourself, WHY am I doing this? Get crystal clear on the why. You will find that 80% of your success comes from the why and only 20% from the how. Now let’s drill down a bit.

After your talk is over, what action would you like your audience to take? How would you like them to FEEL as a result of your talk?

Next, visualize your audience as how you would like them to be after your talk. See them as excited, motivated, or more informed. Whatever your desired outcome is, see the results of it as you want it in your mind’s eye.

Here’s the key to making public speaking easier and stress-free.

The big key here is to change your focus from yourself and focus on your audience. That’s it. Does this sound too simple? It’s actually, everything.

Don’t think about yourself. Just focus on your audience.

The people you are speaking to are taking the single most precious asset they have, their time, and investing it in listening to your talk. I believe you owe it to them to give them your very best, every single time. How can you give them your best if you are focused on yourself, your needs, and your fears? You can’t. You can only give them your best if you focus on them!

So, learn how to take your eyes off yourself and put them on each and every person you are talking to. Think about them. What are their needs and desires? What are their fears? What are their pains and concerns? How can you better help them? How can you make their day or life better?

Zig Ziglar used to always say, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

I’ve always loved that quote and have found it to be completely true. You may ask, how can people really know if I care or not? I could just fake it, right? Okay, well ask yourself how animals can sense fear, anger, love, or peace. Where does that come from? I can tell you that most humans can sense sincerity. It may be a conscious sense or perhaps a subconscious sense. Either way, most of us just know. We can sense it and feel it. It’s either genuine or not.

I know some speakers feel like they really don’t care that much about the people they are talking to. Why should they? It’s just a job or perhaps an obligation, or a requirement, or a paycheck. They are just there to deliver a message and that’s it. It’s not their job to really care about those people. After all, you probably don’t even know most of them and you will probably never see them again. So why bother?

You are certainly free to feel that way if you wish. I believe what you project is centered around who you are, what you wish your reputation to be, and the kind of long-lasting impact you wish to make. It comes down to attitude and how you genuinely feel about your fellow man. We are all free to choose who we are, the impression we wish to leave, and the difference we wish to make.

Over the decades that I have spoken and made presentations, I’ve met countless other speakers and presenters who did not really care about the people they were speaking to. To them, it was just about a paycheck. They just wanted to get in, make the talk, get paid, and get out. Of course, some of them seemed to do fine. However, I did notice that not many of the people with attitudes like that seemed to have lasted very long. You can fake anything for a while.

Preparing for your talk.

Before I ever made a talk or a presentation, I always tried to get a feel and an understanding of who I was going to be talking to, where they were attitude-wise, what they needed, what they wanted, and what they were expecting. Sometimes I had the luxury of doing this well in advance and other times I would race in from an airport just in time for my talk. I never failed to take a few minutes and have a brief conversation with the person in charge before I began, and get a feel for the group. For me, I just felt like it was malpractice if I just went in knowing nothing about the people I was addressing and tried to wing it.

I never wanted to be like a robot and give the same talk to different groups, over and over. I always wanted to personalize it specifically for the group I was addressing at that time. I felt like they deserved my best, specifically tailored to them and their unique needs.

After you do this for a while you can get surprisingly good at knowing what questions to ask in advance, reading the room, and getting a good sense of what you need to do in your presentation. Once you get into this habit, it becomes second nature.  

Here’s a quote that I found very helpful for me.

When I started public speaking many years ago, I had zero experience. I had to read, study, listen to recordings, and attend seminars and events to better learn my craft. It took time. Everyone starts where they are and grows and develops over time. When I first started speaking, do you think I was nervous? You bet I was. Like big-time nervousness. I would start stumbling and forgetting what to say, and then start saying um, um, um, so many times. It was not great.

One little quote I picked up along the way that I found very helpful in the beginning was: “I am relaxed, cheerful, and confident.” I would repeat this over and over and over again. So, if you find yourself getting nervous, try repeating this little phrase.

Using notes.

I rarely use notes when I speak. For me, I always find it best to study and learn my subject matter and material in advance. I prefer to speak from my heart. People can tell when you are speaking from the heart and if you really believe what you are saying or are just reading a teleprompter or your notes.

Plus, when you know what you are talking about, you can then easily adapt your talk or presentation to the room, to the situation, and the people’s needs and wants.

I often use PowerPoint in my presentations. I think it is the most boring and insulting thing for a speaker to stand there and read the text on the slides. If you just do that, why in the world do they need you? That’s just being lazy. I found it best to know the content of the slides inside and out. When the next slide comes up, I know exactly what it’s about. Then I talk about the essence of the slide and sometimes mention some additional points and information that are not on the slide. Sometimes I tell a story regarding the content on the slide.

If someone in the audience wants to read the text on the slide instead of listening to me, that’s fine. I just always believed that I owed it to my audience to give them more than just what was on the slides. I wanted it to be an experience for them. I find the more of yourself you put into your presentation, usually the more your listeners get out of it.

The #1 rule of speaking.

The #1 rule in speaking is: Don’t be boring! Really.

Swing around to the other side, put yourself in the audience, and think about yourself. How do you feel when you invest your valuable time going to hear someone speak and they are B O R I N G !!! It’s horrible, right? You can’t wait to get out of there and you feel it was a complete waste of your time.

If you feel like that, then guess what? So do your audience members.

You owe it to them to put your all into it and give them all you have. I think it boils down to your interest in the subject you are talking about. If you really love your subject, are passionate about it, and are fascinated by it, you can’t help but be excited about it. Even if you are not a great speaker, at least you won’t be boring. They will know you love it and are passionate about it. That will come across and they will feel that.

Speaking can be a transference of feelings.

For me, I always want my audience to be excited about what I am talking about. This solution may sound too simple, but it’s really important. Keep in mind that there is no way your audience is going to be excited about what you are talking about if you are not excited about it. It all starts with you.

Just remember that if you are not genuinely excited about giving your talk and the subject matter you are presenting, the people you are talking to will not be excited about it either. It is up to you to set the tone, read the room, and do what you need to do to ensure you deliver what the audience needs.

If you need help with getting yourself excited, here are some ideas. Many speakers use different routines to get themselves pumped up before speaking. Some listen to upbeat music, some pray, some perform physical movements, and some say affirmations out loud. They can all work. You can find the one(s) that work best for you.

You’ve heard the expression from the entertainment business, “The show must go on.”  It’s true. You may be tired, running late, have a headache, or have just gotten into an argument with your spouse or any other life event. The fact of the matter is, you still owe it to your audience to give them your best, despite what may have transpired ahead of time.

It’s up to you to change your state and do what you need to do to perform as if everything is great. This is what makes the difference between great speakers and the average ones. Anyone can do an awesome job when everything is going perfectly. It’s the pros that can pull off a great performance despite what is going on. In the end, it all boils down to mindset and attitude.

A closing story…

Years ago, I was asked to give a speech to a large group in Dallas. I had prepared my slides in advance and knew them well. I was prepared by knowing my content, but I still was not completely clear in my head as to exactly what approach I wanted to take. It’s a creative process and it just had not crystalized in my mind yet. I was going on total faith that it would just come to me.

There were many other speakers at this event. They had a big green room or ready room backstage and a big hallway where several of the speakers were milling around, before giving their talks. It was a very interesting environment with about a half dozen other speakers, all getting prepared for their talks. It felt a bit competitive. It was not a truly competitive scene, but you could tell everyone had big egos and they all wanted to knock it out of the park and stand out as the best.

There was some idle talk back and forth between the speakers but for the most part, everyone was in their head, individually preparing for their talk. I love to study and observe human nature, so I found this dynamic fascinating.

Some were reading their notes, some had ear pods and were listening to music, some were doing some mild calisthenics, some were quiet and silent, some were prepping to make sure their hair was perfect, their suit was perfect, their tie was spot on, their fancy watch was showing just enough from their shirt sleeve, their cufflinks were perfectly positioned, etc.  

Most seemed to be very self-focused. My takeaway was their main motivation was to come off as looking like a very successful pro and impress the audience with their looks, expensive suit, their speaking skills, and their professionalism.

We could hear the current speakers on stage giving their talks. I remember one that sounded like an overzealous preacher to me. It seemed like he was trying way too hard to get everyone pumped up, almost in an artificial way. At first, the thought that went through my head was perhaps I should try and be more like that. Then my mind instantly went back to the fact that it’s always better to just be yourself. Just be you. That’s enough.

I was still trying to get clarity in my head as to the approach I should take, especially considering the performance of the speakers before me. For some reason, the word LOVE just came to me. I always try to see things through the audience’s eyes, and I always want to give them my best. So, I simply had this feeling come over me to just love the audience. I realize this may sound strange to some of you, but I am simply telling you what happened on this occasion.

So, I mentally started sending out love to the audience, as I was backstage and before I even began to give my talk. I was imagining the individuals in the audience and expressing true concern and love for them. It was an amazing experience that was natural and effortless.

So, I got the clarity that I was looking for. I knew my approach. I would just project love to the audience. In all my previous presentations, I have never felt this type of feeling, but I decided to just go with it and see how it worked out.

To be frank, I was feeling a bit intimidated by some of the speakers ahead of me as they were dressed much finer than me and had more powerful and commanding voices than I had. I quickly dismissed that thought and remembered just to be myself and that was all I needed to do.

The time finally came when I was introduced, and I gave my talk. I continued to feel the love for the audience, and I just delivered my presentation as I normally would, just being myself. I did not try and amp up my presentation to try and compete with the other speakers, and I was completely content with that. I felt my presentation went great, but I had no idea how it was received by the audience in comparison to the previous speeches.

After my talk I had many people come up to me and tell me how much they enjoyed it and how beneficial they felt my talk was to them. I sat beside the person conducting the event at dinner. He told me he had talked with a large number of attendees and said hands down, everyone felt like I was by far the best speaker. Wow! That did surprise me. I wasn’t expecting that. He said everyone just loved me. Funny how that works, right? We often receive what we give out.

I have often reflected on this experience.  My takeaway from it was the only difference between this talk and many others I have given was how much I focused on loving the audience. I am not saying I always do this nor have the time to do it to that degree. But it was a fascinating experience and I got to see firsthand the real power of love. You just may want to give it a try.

I believe we all have a message inside of us. I encourage you to discover your message and boldly share it with those whom you believe it is for. Good luck in your future speaking endeavors. I truly hope these words have been helpful to you.