How To Make A Relationship Last: 12 Cycles You Should Break

Though we traditionally think of love as boxes of chocolates and teddy bears, modern love is complex – full of all kinds of ups and downs and everything in between. Healthy relationships require communication, respect, and a lot of mindful intent, but that’s not always possible, nor is it always easy. 

If you want a flourishing relationship that can stand the test of time, you’ll have to break the negative relationship cycles that are keeping you stuck, scared, and lashing out at your most favorite human being in the world: your partner. 

The destructive cycles that stalk our most intimate connections can be dismantled, but it takes some brutal honesty along with some understanding of the things that make you tick. 

The Worst Relationship Cycles You Should Break

The bad cycles that we manifest in our romantic relationships stem from a variety of different places, including childhood trauma, and gradually learned avoidances and behaviors. However, they all have one thing in common – they destroy the meaningful and deep bonds that we share with others, making it nearly impossible to create lasting relationships that contribute to our happiness and overall wellbeing. 

1. Passive-Aggression

When one feels as though they can’t speak honestly and openly to the other, they tend to sometimes engage in passive aggression in order to express their anger or resentment. 

This is an incredibly toxic cycle because it creates mistrust in the relationship, where both partners believe they are not safe expressing themselves or their vulnerabilities to one another. And even worse, passive aggression is often a sign that one partner is afraid of criticism or judgment – the most fertile of grounds for conflict and unhappiness. 

2. Displays of “Loving” Jealousy

Getting angry when your partner talks to, looks at or hangs out with a member of the opposite gender is not healthy, and it is not normal. It’s not nice and is demeaning. It also creates unnecessary drama while simultaneously communicating a million-and-one insecurities – as well as a lack of trust.

3. Being Together 24/7

We get it, your partner is the coolest person on the planet, but spending all your time together can lead to you losing touch with your own authentic and true self. When we insist on being with our partners every second of every day, we stop doing the things we love to do, and we may even go so far as kicking our besties to the curb. That kind of all-or-nothing mentality is not healthy and it certainly isn’t the key to a stable, loving relationship built on a foundation of mutual trust and strength. 

If you need some help getting back in touch with your true-self, consider taking an online course like Kabbalah ONE that will help you to find the clarity you need for personal transformation, allowing you to achieve lasting fulfillment.

4.Moving in Together Too Soon

The start of a new relationship is a lot of fun and tends to come with warm-fuzzy feelings and butterflies. When someone is feeling this happy, it’s easy for their judgment to get a little cloudy. In many instances, people will ride this wave of ‘new love’ and dive head-first into something like moving in with one another. 

However, after making such a big commitment, many individuals begin to realize – more fully – who the other person really is, and they become unhappy – and fast. Maybe they realize their new flame is too close with an ex, has kids that were never mentioned, is a freeloader, has extremely bad debt, etc. 

Always wait a year before moving in together – minimum. This may seem like a long time if you’re truly in love and swear up and down that you’ve found your soulmate, but moving in together and making a long-term relationship last has more to do with shared values and compatibility than it does chemistry. Take your time dating and really getting to know each other before making such a big commitment like living together.

5.Keeping a Scorecard

Continuing to blame a partner for past hurts is not only pointless, it’s self-defeating and does quite a bit of harm. Keeping a relationship scorecard undermines the respect and trust in a relationship while deflecting from current issues. And more often than not, it’s used as a manipulative tool composed of pent-up guilt and bitterness.  

6.Working to “Fix” The Other Person

No matter what we all may think, there’s no such thing as a perfect person. We all have flaws and that’s perfectly okay! What’s not okay is falling into a relationship based on a need to “fix” the other person – an impossible task that’s guaranteed to end in heartache. 

Reminding your loved one to do better is one thing, obsessively trying to make unrealistic changes in him or she is another. People can’t change unless they truly want to change, and until we realize that, we’ll keep bouncing from one unhappy relationship to the next.  

7. Buying Resolutions

Another unhealthy cycle is when a partner tries to “buy” resolutions. In some partnerships, one person or the other will lean into big-ticket purchases as a means of conflict resolution rather than simply talking things out. While this might seem nice for a while – it’s not. 

Over time, it leads to much bigger and more toxic conflict as well as pent-up resentment that causes arguments that can never be healed. 

8. Always Picking Up The Tab

We all experience difficult times at some point in our lives, but if you’re always picking up the tab, there are some serious issues that need to be addressed. Helping a loved one is one thing, carrying them like a child is another. And the more you lend to them, the more you are making them dependent on you, discouraging them from becoming self-reliant. 

Remember, you are looking for a significant other to be your ‘partner’ – not your ‘child.’

9. Making The Other Person The Number One Priority

Believe it or not, making your partner your ultimate priority is a bad cycle that you should try to break right away—making a loved one your number one priority before yourself is a ‘spiritual don’t.’ Why? Because the secret to a flourishing life is to love another as icing on an already amazing cake. If you dare to give your personal power away and make that person more important, you will become out of balance in your energy field. You walk a fragile like with yourself, and if anything should happen – or they leave you, that is – then you are a fallen soul with no means to get up. 

One must love in healthy ways by making themselves number one in self-care. This can sometimes be tricky, though as this act of self-love doesn’t come easy. Thankfully there are online courses like Kabbalah ONE that can teach you how to tap into the voice of your soul so that it might guide you to your highest purpose, and in doing so, learning to love and put yourself first. 

10.  Believing You Can’t Live Without A Partner

Believing that you can’t live without your significant other is a dangerous precedent to set and one that undermines and devalues your self-worth. Putting that kind of strain and pressure on your partner is also a surefire way to send them running for the hills without turning back, understandably trying to escape the codependent thoughts that you’re harboring deep down inside. 

Worst of all? It’s simply just not true. You can live without your partner, and you just might have to if you can’t break this vicious pattern.

11. Never Fighting

Avoiding conflict at all costs seems like a pretty good idea on many occasions, but avoiding the inconvenience of a romantic conflict only leads to further bitterness and resentment later on down the road. You can’t fix a problem you don’t even know exists, so fighting can be key to a healthy relationship when practiced appropriately of course. 

When we bring up issues and concerns with our partners, we are actually demonstrating trust in them, as well as a willingness to be vulnerable, which enhances the bond. Assertiveness is not a bad thing and can be a powerful indicator of relationship satisfaction. We need to disagree, which could come with a healthy argument in order to connect on a deep, meaningful level. 

12. Over-Compromising

When we over-compromise, we take a step backward and betray our own authentic desires and truths. Every relationship indeed requires a little compromise, but losing sight of the things you love most in order to make room for the other person is never okay. In the end, when both partners compromise, both partners will not be fully happy or satisfied with what they agreed upon. Each partner will ultimately suffer in his or her own little puddle of mud and misery.

Always remember, true love never asks us to compromise who we are. Never. 

Putting It All Together

Breaking bad relationship cycles is a complex process that takes a lot of time, patience, and understanding. But if you want to stop these vicious cycles right in their tracks to prevent future upset, you have to start by identifying your feelings and understand how they manifest through patterns in your life. Only when you get past your past, clarify your feelings, and learn how to listen can you save your self-respect and your relationship. 

Are you ready to put the work in that it takes to save your relationship? You’re the only one who can make that choice, but if you need a little guidance, a great master course like Kabbalah ONE can help!