After more than 35 years selling real estate in Los Angeles, I’ve negotiated hundreds of transactions. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the best negotiator in the room usually isn’t the loudest one.
It’s the person who listens.
When I was younger, I probably thought negotiation was about making the strongest argument. Experience taught me something very different. Before you can figure out how to make a deal, you need to understand what actually matters to the people on the other side of it.
And surprisingly often, it isn’t just money.
A seller may care deeply about the price because that number represents something to them. Another seller may care more about certainty because they’ve already bought another home. Someone else may need extra time before moving. A buyer may be willing to pay more but need a particular contingency because without it, the transaction simply doesn’t work.
If you don’t ask questions, you never learn any of this.
The Highest Price Isn’t Always the Best Deal
Real estate provides a particularly good lesson in negotiation because there are so many moving parts.
Suppose a seller receives three offers.
One is the highest price but comes with uncertain financing and a long list of contingencies. Another is lower but from a very strong buyer who can close quickly. The third is somewhere in between but gives the seller exactly the timing they need.
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Which is the best offer?
There is no universal answer.
The mistake is assuming negotiation is about winning every individual point rather than putting together the best overall outcome.
I’ve seen people become so determined to win a relatively insignificant issue that they jeopardize a transaction worth millions of dollars.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself a very simple question: What are we actually trying to accomplish here?
Don’t Negotiate Against Yourself
Another lesson took me years to fully appreciate: silence is enormously valuable.
People are uncomfortable with it.
They make an offer and immediately start explaining why they made it. Then they keep talking and sometimes begin improving their own offer before the other side has even responded.
I’ve watched buyers do it. I’ve watched sellers do it. I’ve watched experienced businesspeople do it.
Make your case. Support it with facts. Then give the other person an opportunity to respond.
You don’t have to fill every silence.
Know When Something Matters and When It Doesn’t
Not every point in a negotiation deserves the same amount of energy.
This is particularly true in real estate, where transactions can involve price, financing, inspections, repairs, contingencies, closing dates, possession, personal property and dozens of smaller details.
Part of my job is helping a client understand which issues could materially affect them and which ones are becoming distractions.
That doesn’t mean giving things away.
It means understanding the difference between protecting your interests and fighting simply because you don’t want the other side to get something.
Those are not the same thing.
Don’t Be Afraid to Lose the Deal
This may be the hardest part of negotiating anything.
You have to be willing to walk away.
The moment the other side realizes you will accept virtually anything because you’re terrified of losing the deal, you’ve lost most of your leverage.
That doesn’t mean threatening to walk away every five minutes. I don’t believe in manufactured drama. It means knowing your limits before the negotiation becomes emotional.
For a buyer, that might be the maximum price at which the purchase still makes sense. For a seller, it might be the minimum combination of price and terms they’re genuinely willing to accept.
You can always reconsider those limits when new information comes in. But you should know where you stand.
The Relationship Matters After the Negotiation
Real estate has also taught me that how you make a deal matters.
There’s a temptation in negotiation to make the other side feel as though they’ve lost. I’ve never understood the value in that.
Once a real estate contract is signed, the buyer and seller still have to get through inspections, disclosures, financing, appraisal and closing. Creating unnecessary hostility during the initial negotiation can make everything that follows more difficult.
You can negotiate aggressively without being disagreeable.
In fact, some of the strongest negotiators I’ve worked with have also been the easiest people to deal with. They’re clear about what they want, they know why they want it, and they don’t confuse being difficult with being effective.
Experience Changes What Winning Means
After more than three decades in this business, my definition of a successful negotiation has changed.
It’s not that my client got everything and the other side got nothing.
It’s that my client understood the choices, protected what mattered, didn’t give away something unnecessarily, and ended up with an outcome they were happy with.
The best negotiations often finish without anyone feeling defeated.
The deal simply makes sense.
And whether you’re buying a house, selling a company or negotiating almost anything else, I’ve found that’s usually a pretty good definition of winning.
Michael Collins is a Coldwell Banker Realty agent based in Beverly Hills who has represented buyers and sellers throughout Los Angeles for more than 35 years. California DRE #00963037. To learn more, visit MichaelCollins.com
