Six steps for talking your way to a Physical Relationship! Do your sexual partner and you keep on arguing about all kinds of sexual problems in your relationship? Are there continuous issues that keep being raked up again and again, making your sex life a total fiasco?
In any relationship, it is very common to see disagreements take place about sex. More often than not, we tend to lack the required skills, to talk about sex and have a better sex life. And this is primarily due to all the various myths that have been created around us, regarding sex. Myths like:
- Sex is a bad thing.
- Sex is a dirty word.
And many others!
As such, when it comes to having sex or for that matter, talking about it, we tend to feel awkward, unprepared and even scared. The result is defensiveness or avoidance.
It is very common for people to have variations when it comes to sexual desires and wants. The key here lies in learning how to discuss such issues in a manner which is not defensive and angry – but positive and supportive. By doing so, couples may be in a position to get over whatever kinds of problems they have in their sex life and in their relationship and not only start having a Physical Relationship – but also start to enjoy each other!
How do you do this? How do you have a Physical Relationship? Here are 6 fantastic ways in which you can do so:
- Make Use Of Active Listening Skills: This can be done by summarizing what your partner has told you, then paraphrasing it and then repeating it. This is a very good way of letting your sexual partner understand that you are paying close attention to all that they are talking. Very often, this can also be the cause of a bad situation being diffused. And quite likely, this can lead to you having a better sex life.
Your partner might one day say to you, “I am totally bugged and very sexually frustrated of late, but you do not seem to care about sex at all!”
Here, you can take full advantage of this predicament and there is absolutely no need for you to respond, by answering defensively. You can turn this conversation to your advantage. You can reply to what your sexual partner has said, by saying,
“I get the feeling that you are not happy with our sex life. Maybe we can work together and look for a solution?”
- Do Not Judge: Shut off the parts of your mind which are emotional and critical and pay really close attention to what your sexual partner is saying. You would do well to empathize, by imagining yourself to be in the shoes of your sexual partner.
- Touch While You Talk: Put your hands in the hands of your sexual partner or put your hand on the knee of your sexual partner or hold hands with your sexual partner. This would serve as a reminder to your sexual partner that you are on his/her side and that both of you are in this together. This would help in promoting intimacy.
- Use Positive “I” Language: This is about you remembering not to judge, not to point your finger, not to criticize and not to blame your sexual partner. Instead, you would do very good to say things with regards to your feelings.
For instance, do not say,
“You do not even bother to try and please me.”
Instead, say this:
“I feel not at all happy with the way we have sex of late.”
The key here lies in you laying focus on the “I feel” and you avoiding the use of “you” in the sentence.
- Learn To Relax And Calm Yourself: If you are having a conversation with your sexual partner and it is making you feel frustrated, anxious or angry, the key here lies in you learning to calm down and relax yourself. If you are scared or anxious or nervous or angry and you respond with such feelings, it is more than quite likely that you will respond by saying things that you never ever meant to say. Things that are criticizing, things that are hurtful, things that you do not mean and things that point the blame on your sexual partner.
A good way of relaxing and calming yourself, is for you to practice breathing. A simple way in which you can do this is by taking breaths that are long and deep, counting to 10.
Another way to keep yourself calm, is by going out and getting some fresh air. Although, you need to be very careful about this, as in the times we live in, it is not at all advisable to leave the safety of your home.
It is also quite perfect for you to say,
“I’ll be back in a few minutes, I just need a break.”
For you to feel calm and relaxed, it is very important that you practice breathing regularly, on a day to day basis and not just when you are having a heated conversation with your sexual partner.
You should practice breathing when you are at your desk at work, when you are driving and even when you are relaxing. This will definitely help you to have a better sex life.
- Use Compliments: A very big part of talking positive, is using compliments. It is vital that your sexual partner feels appreciated and recognized. A good idea would be to pass your sexual partner, a minimum of three compliments – all days in the year! You will find that this will work wonders for you and help you lead a better sex life.
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